Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

What I got to do to make you love me?

What I got to do to make you care?

What do I do when lightning strikes me?

And I wake to find that you're not there?

What I got to do to make you want me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when it's all over?

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

It's sad, so sad It's a sad, sad situation.

And it's getting more and more absurd.

It's sad, so sad Why can't we talk it over?

Oh it seems to me That sorry seems to be the hardest word. (Elton John)

I'm really feeling sick tonight. I'm sorry about what I've learned. I'm sorry for the pain I see people going through.

Here are some emails I've exchanged with a family member who has a brother in Sound Doctrine Church in Enumclaw, WA. (I'm not posting the link for this group. You can look it up. I don't want to send anyone to their site.)

R: "Hello Cindy, it was so nice to hear you talked to my brother. It's been 7 years since he left and we miss him soooo much you have no idea! I was wondering, do you still keep in touch with him? I write an email him once every week but I'm not sure if he gets it. I never hear back. Please let me know if you know anything. Thank you soooo much!!!!"

Me: "The last time I saw L was in August when I stayed at the house there in Enumclaw. I made a big Italian dinner one night with lasagna and homemade bread, cheesecake… I knew L would love it. But he could only say a quick thank you and when we sat in the living room to talk, he got excited about back east, Italian stuff, I spoke some Italian, bagels, pizza… All of a sudden, Malcolm, the man in charge who was just arrested on alleged charges for child rape, gave him a dirty look and L had to leave to go home.

They tried to convert me and said I had to learn to be like L. That when L first went out there he talked much like me and was loud. Now he’s submissive, controlled, and quiet.

To me, he’s a broken man with a broken spirit.

I'm sorry you never get to hear from him."

R: "Thank you so much for writing back. We are so depressed and want L back home. (New Jersey) For the first time I've been writing him for 7 years, the email finally came back. They must of deleted his account. I want to call him so bad but I'm so scared. I wish there was a way I could kidnap him. Before something happens to my parents, and they pass away, I want him home. My mom cries every single day without him, and with me being a mom now I know if one of my kids left and never called me I would be devastated. Please keep in touch with me if you hear anything. Thank you sooo much for writing back. Thank you. R"

This communication between me and a sister of a member of Sound Doctrine Church makes me so sick inside. A big loving, caring Italian family in New Jersey cannot be in touch with their brother and son because of the mandates of this organization.

They're not the only ones. I read another dialogue on my friend's Facebook page tonight. The same scenario--a grandma and her grand-kids she can't see or talk to. It's been years. Here are a few of her requests:

"It would go a long way for me to hear that you care about the hurt my family has gone through and it would also help me to hear even a tidbit about my grandchildren over the last ten years--what do they like to do, what is their favorite food, what would they like but can't have, what are their personalities like. Did you ever hug them? Are they being treating kindly? Anything you can share would help me as I continue to seek peace and forgiveness for everyone involved in keeping me from them.

To be able to talk to someone who was close to my grandsons is more than I could hope for, so forgive me if I seem intent on only my hurt and sorrow. I just can't get enough information. I have been starved for too long and you could never tell me too much or too little, no matter how trivial it may seem to you.

For them to remember me I am sure is asking too much of two little toddlers who played on the floor with their MoMo, but I have kept a few of the toys in case I ever see them to see if they can remember our fun times.

Are they being abused mentally or physically? I guess I just need to hear what they are going through and how they handle it.

Thank you for caring and I look forward to any information you may feel led to share--the good and the bad"

What supposed church would ever want to separate spouses, children, families, or anyone from their loved ones? I'm tired of this group wielding scripture around and making each verse is a weapon of destruction. The outcome? Hurt, shame, fear, isolation, and heartache.

Can anything good come out of this? I hope so. God, please help all the hurt people and free the ones who want to be free. Protect the children. Amen.